If you’ve come across this article, chances are that you have become aware of the fact that your emotions are guiding you as a person and you want to change that. Most articles that you’ll come across will dictate what you have to do, I, however, will walk you through my journey of how I managed to deal my emotions in the right way and give you some insight on the process itself.
If you’re going through the internet to find a solution to your particular problem, then you’ve already taken the first step. Not long ago, I was standing exactly where you are right now. I used to handle emotions in an extremely toxic way, I used to be a person who would always say “yeah I understand”, “no problem”, “it is not a big deal” etc. As time went by I realized that every time I said that, I lied, it was a big deal, but by the time I realized, it was already too late.
I used to let every kind of emotion build up till the point it was not possible to keep in, and then I used to say the most hurtful things in the spur of the moment. It was toxic. I lost a lot of good people that way, and it was through loss that I realized that I had to take some action.
Here listed below are eight ways I learned to manage my emotions the right way.
The first thing that I started to do was meditation. In the beginning, it was hard for me to do so. I was so consumed by thoughts and such powerful emotions that I felt my mind couldn’t be at peace. That was when I started searching the internet for something that would give me that jump-start I needed, and I came across CBD. I started using a vaporizer for cannabis before I started meditating and specific strands contributed to the jump start that I needed. I become more present at the moment, and I started meditating for longer hours with much ease.
2. Experience the Pain Involved
The first thing that I did, or that I allowed myself to do was to feel the pain involved. I had lost a lot of people who were dear to me and because of other issues in life; I never gave myself the time to process the loss, to feel the pain. When I sat down to meditate, I let the emotions come to me and felt it, with all its intensity I faced it head-on.
It was hard at first, I often had panic attacks and felt worn out after, but as time went by it got more natural and more fulfilling rather than painful. So, all those people who tell you not to think about it, sleep over it, indulge in other activities so you tire yourself, you should stop listening to them and allow yourself to feel the pain.
3. Subdue your Ego
It was after research that I found out why I had a panic attack every time I tried to go through the emotional experience. I found out that my ego didn’t want me to feel the pain, and therefore, it tried to take me away from it, and that internal conflict led to me having panic attacks.
When you start with the process you might go through the same feelings, all you need to understand is it is okay to feel the pain; it’s what reminds you that you’re human. You should tell yourself that it is natural to feel pain and that it doesn’t contribute to weakness, but rather it makes you durable. Learn to subdue to your ego, and you will surely go a long way.
4. Dismantle the Defenses
All our life we have faced worrisome and painful situations and in order to make sure we don’t feel the same pain twice we build up walls that keep us safe from any problems from the outside world. In doing so, we forget that we are our own biggest bullies. Even if we restrict external intervention, we alone are enough to hurt ourselves.
Therefore, it is necessary to break the walls down and feel what we need to get better.
While this is something that you will come across often, you need to know that it is not a hoax. I found exercise to be an amazing way to channel my negative emotions positively. Sometimes it also contributed to more productive solutions.
Punching a bag is much better than punching someone’s face, and when you’re angry enough, you don’t know what you might do next. So, rather than breaking things and hurting others, you should exercise until you feel better.
6. The Ancient Way
While researching how to control my negative emotions, I came across a beautiful piece of advice that has its origins in the Muslim culture. I read that it is suggested that when one feels anger or any extreme emotion, they should sit down if they are standing and lay down if they are sitting. While this may seem very mundane, it has helped me a great deal.
Whenever I feel an extreme emotion, I follow this advice, and it gives me the few seconds I need to make sure I take the right step forward.
7. Write It Down
Writing down what you feel is also a productive way to process your emotions. While it may seem childish to some people, it works wonders for adults too. All you need to do is write whatever you feel down and it feels just as good as saying it. When I’m angry or hurt I write all the things I would like to say to that person on a piece of paper if I don’t have my journal at hand. It makes me feel a whole lot better and helps me get through the day without taking any steps that I might later regret.
Reevaluation is a step that has helped me a great deal. Once I was done with my journal, I used to read it before I went to bed. The things I wrote down at that moment of anger or hurt surprised me beyond measures. I realized that when you feel a toxic emotion, you want the person who made you feel that way feel the pain. It is then that you say things that you don’t often mean to say and ruin your relationship with the respective person.
When I used to go over what I had written, I was often so ashamed of what I had written that I ripped the page out, burnt it. This activity helped me analyze my fault and resulted in me becoming a mature emotional adult.
Here mentioned above are the ways that I worked through my toxic ways and emerged as a healthy emotional being. You should know that every emotion is valid; all you need to do is process it the right way, never let anyone tell you what you may or may not feel.
We, as individuals, fight our own battles with our own emotions and as much as your emotions may feel extreme, always know that there is a healthy way to deal with them. I hope you benefit from my experience. If you have any other ways that have benefited your emergence and an emotionally evolved being, please do mention in the comments below.